IT'S a vicious circle. Parents who can no longer care for their disabled children are leaving them in respite homes for months while they wait for permanent homes. This in turn makes it harder for other parents to get respite care.

Widespread use of respite care as ''semi-permanent accommodation'' was identified as a problem back in December 2009 by the Victorian parliamentary inquiry into supported accommodation.

Now, at a time when 1239 disabled Victorians are on the waiting list for supported housing, there is a regular two-to-four year wait in some regions to get overnight respite care.

Single mother Naomi O'Byrne gets a break from caring for her intellectually disabled, epileptic 12-year-old daughter Sarah Taylor only ''every three months or so'', she estimates. At present, she's two years into a four-year waiting list for regular overnight respite.

Sarah ''is like a 12-year-old baby'', still in nappies and unable to talk, says her mother. While Sarah stays with her father one weekend night a week, her mother, who works as a park ranger, desperately wants more respite ''to have time to myself''.

''I can't take Sarah to the supermarket, I don't have any social life. Even doing the housework is hard.''

Karen Biasin, single mother of two intellectually disabled children, understands all too well. Her 17-year-old severely autistic daughter Amber has been in respite accommodation since last September, when Ms Biasin relinquished care of her daughter to the state because she couldn't get weekend respite.

''I'm well aware [it's creating a shortage],'' says Ms Biasin. ''That's how I got into this situation. I needed respite. I couldn't cope.''

While approximately 40 children with disabilities in Victoria have been relinquished into state care, there are anecdotal reports of parents simply leaving their children in respite.

''The parents are simply not picking the children up, they're leaving them because they know they're in assisted accommodation and they'll be all right,'' says Caroline Mulcahy, the chief executive officer of Carers Victoria. Ms Mulcahy said when New South Wales moved 30 long-term residents of respite homes into permanent accommodation, it allowed 130 more families to have respite care.

The Association for Children with a Disability has reported a dramatic rise in the number of parents calling in ''at the end of their tether'', says chief executive officer Elizabeth McGarry. Community Services Minister Mary Wooldridge, who regularly campaigned against the lack of respite care when in opposition, says the Baillieu government has ''set aside funding to develop new and innovative supported accommodation and respite care that meets the range of carer and care-recipient needs''.